So many emotions and thoughts stirring inside me since saying good bye to Scout. I've shared before that my heart is more open during my tree-hugs. Today the hurt in my heart was so close to the surface that I wasn't sure I could actually do it. We took a little time to sit on a log and cry, before finding this special tree. Being in the woods is a comfort. There is no judgment. You can see how perfect this tree was for a surrendering hug. It's graceful bends and curves reminded me of the importance of going with the flow. If I'm sad, I'm sad. It's okay. If I'm struggling, I'm struggling. It's okay. If I'm grieving, I'm grieving. It's okay. But, it's also showed me it's deep and sturdy bark. It bends and flows as the tree grows and reaches for the light. To me this is miraculous. And so I was consoled. My heart feels lighter. I continue my journey. Day by day. Grateful for the love coming from the trees, and all the forest creatures and beings, and from loved ones and friends near and far.
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I was happy to be out in the woods today. The sting of saying goodbye to Scout was strong. But I know the woods and tree-hugs are healing for me. This tree got my attention with it's main trunk split into three trunk segments at the same level. It was actually two trunk segments together and one separate. I notice things like this now.. There seems to be meaning. The two together are me and Stanley. I think the separate one represents Perseus. He is our remaining cat. Perseus came to us after the kids left for college and continued on their independent lives. Scout was from the time our family was still together. I see a high winged tree-angel on the left and light beaming through the open space. Perseus misses Scout, as we do. Last year we said goodbye to Sally. She was the first cat to come to our family, almost 20 years ago. Time moves on. Life moves on. The angel is a comforting presence. I feel as if some of my grieving is for impermanence. There is no stopping the natural flow of life. Loved ones dying is always a reminder.
Re-hug of yesterday's tree, minus the rain. Everything looking fresh and bright. The tree-lady and her friend dried out. Still reaching for the sky. I was happy to have a dry tree-hug and spend more time with this special tree. Wasn't sure if this was a full wise-tree-face with eyes and nose showing me it's presence. Or a special tree-home for my little tree-pony. Either way, I wanted to take it as a special tree-message to comfort me for what was coming later in the day. Assuring me I was being held in the heart of lovingkindness and compassion, as we all are, always. Making the decision to help our 17 year old kitty Scout transition was very difficult and sad. He didn't look like this picture at the end of his long journey with cancer. We had spent most of the pandemic lockdown caring for him as he insisted on adapting to all of the changes in his body. Up until the very end he loved being outside (only on the deck) from first to last light of the day. We actually gave him an extra week because he somehow managed to jump down from the deck to have a last look around the yard. He loved his life and didn't want to let go. But during the last few days his quality of life became much more limiting to his breathing, his eating, even his resting comfortably. I am grieving his absence now, a few days later, but I know we made the right decision. We love you Scout! I know you will visit us from the spirit side of life.
I wasn't exactly dancing in the rain with this morning's tree-hug. But looking up, it seemed this glistening tree-lady was. She was happily welcoming the rain, her tree-arms raised to the sky. I have a feeling her long-neck tree-friend was having fun licking the leaves way up high. It was humbling to experience something I've 'seen' my whole life with more mindfulness and greater appreciation. Message: Bring joy to your heart. Take time to see and be with the trees, even if it's raining.
A cool September morning tree-hug. How could I resist stopping by to visit this happy tree-fellow waving at me in the woods? He got extra hugs for his many entertaining stories! Like showing me a close up view from on top of a hippopotamus tree-snout. And introducing me to Sleepy Dwarf in the midst of a big tree-yawn. And how about this dinosaur carefully grooming it's giant tree-toes! Message: Nothing is beyond our imagination. Let's imagine Peace!
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